Introduction
Money ranks as one of the top 10 reasons why couples fight. Looking back on your childhood your parents, like mine, in all likelihood argued over money. It’s natural to assume money affects relationships. In some case, it even seems money tears families apart.
[Note: This article is part of the money myth series. In each article of the series, we take a close look at a common yet erroneous belief about money. We examine how those beliefs may be affecting your relationship with money, along with affecting how much money you’re able to attract into your life.]
Heated arguments about money fill many people’s childhood memories. If you’re married or have a significant other, these types of arguments fill some of your days now.
So, it seems natural to say that money is a great divider. It has the ability to affect relationships, some times tearing families apart.
After all, how many of us have been educated on what money actually is? How to manage it, invest, and save?
When you look back on the arguments you had over money, you realize it really wasn’t about the money. You’re talking about the differences in mindsets and beliefs over money. One person may be overly mindful about saving as much as possible while the other believes money should be spent as soon as possible. Both are wrong views to take when it comes to money.
Your Relationships With Other People
If you want to know what your relationship with money is like, just look at the quality of your relationships with other people. The two mirror each other.
Are they high-quality, close friends? Or do you hardly know each other?
Are you generous with your friends? Do you provide a lot of value to your friends without the expectation of anything in return?
Do you treat them to ice cream or goodies on a whim? If you do, then it’s likely that money comes to you easily and in increasing amounts.
Or do have few, if any friends? Are you stingy with money, not wanting to spend anymore than you have to? Then you might have a hard time coming into money.
Money Is Just an Enabler
In my formative years, my parents often argued about money. One of the chief arguments I still remember to this day was the quality of schooling my mother wanted for us, compared to what my father wanted.
My father didn’t amount to much. He neither had hobbies or interests outside of work, nor did he encourage his children to pursue anything. He was pretty much a loner all his life. As a result, he believed that money was to be hoarded.
Subsequently, he lived a very empty life. The schooling he opted to provide for his children reflected his life’s values. My mother, on the other hand, believed that education is the most reliable way to move ahead in life. That’s why they fought for different things.
He now spends the majority of his time watching television; complaining about the price of everything and how back in the good ol’ days gas was just 99 cents a gallon; and sleeping away what’s left of his life. His children, meaning my brother and me, scarcely visit him. He harbors a large amount of negative energy. In essence, he is an emotional vampire, blaming everyone else for his problems in life. Most people find it draining to be around him, even my relatives.
He never wanted to do any of the father-son things with us, unless we dragged him out to do them. These included things like playing baseball, riding bicycles (of which he stalled buying for over a month, hoping we’d lose interest), or fishing. His excuse was that they were too expensive or a waste of money.
Why do I mention these things? It is because he has had this attitude for most of his life. For the longest time, I thought that money tore us apart by not enabling us to do these things. It’s not hard to see why: We were in the low end of the Middle Class. Money seemed hard to come by.
I realized now that while it seems money affects relationships, it was really my father’s doing. It was his mindsets and beliefs about life in general that caused him to have no relationship with his children. Money is convenient to blame because we do not have to accept responsibility.
Money Affects Relationships by Amplification
To this day, I have very little fond memories of time spent with my father. We simply spent little time together. When he passes, it will be as if a stranger has passed.
I grew up thinking that money affects relationships, believing it tore our family apart.
Yet, money’s purpose is to help you to live comfortably. The more money you have, the more comfortable you can live. It also amplifies the good you can do in your life, meaning if you have some altruistic goal, money will help you achieve those goals faster by multiplying man-power and shortening the time it can be done.
Money is really just an amplifier of our existing qualities, be they good or bad.
So use money as your ally to help get you the things you really want out of life. When you really break things down, it’s never about the money. Money didn’t tear your family apart. Money was just a convenient excuse.
Decide!
Reflect on some of the most important decisions in your life. How often was money the primary consideration? It likely was not. When you take everything into account, money was likely one of the lowest items on the list on why you wanted to do something.
It’s the same way when people buy houses. Initially, they complain about the high prices and how difficult it is now to buy a house. Most people complain it’s hard or the wrong time. But is there ever a right time to buy a house?
When they need it to solve a pain point, then they made it happen. It was when they finally decided, really decided. If you asked them what factors they took into consideration, money was low on the list. It might not even have come up.
Money Did not Affect Your Relationships: You Did!
People have different variations of the scarcity mindset when it comes to money. For instance, one person might believe there’s not enough money to go around, thus hoards money. Another person with the scarcity mindset believes because she scarcely gets money that it should be spent as soon as possible.
Instead of vacillating towards the extremes, remember that one of money’s purpose is to enable you to live comfortably. So, you cannot be too cheap on one extreme or spend too much on the other. You have to find a happy medium. What that medium is of course depends on your financial goals.
So, money did not affect your relationships or tear your family apart. Welcome money into your arms and starting thinking of ways to create more money so that you can enjoy greater money freedom.